I have a pretty realistic view of who I am at this point in my life...which I probably shouldn't admit to. In the past I thought of myself as more than I was, more specifically I think I took a small gift and made it all I was about. Of course the gifts I particularly remember glowing about were mainly superficial. During those years I happened to be with someone who valued me by those conditions and I started to lean on those trivial qualities as my identity. As that relationship crumbled and I realized I couldn't recognize the facade I'd become, I began to change. Not immediately for the better though. I felt tired, old and used. I was turning 23 and wanted to claim my youth...and a few bad habits I felt deserving of after what I had been through. I had an impressive support system of family and friends who were so patient with me, waiting for me to come through the fog. They all put up with my daily emotional roller coaster and a few of them gave me some tough love back. I look back now and it seems like someone else's life or like a movie I watched. I beat myself up over how stupid I was, but every one of those experiences have brought me to where I am now...they made me who I am. I have a LOT left to work on but I'm happy in my life. I see some of my flaws on a moment to moment basis nowadays, but at least I see them. My New Year's resolution was to start the update to a better me (using my "superwoman" daily list which I'll fill you in on after finishing the who, what, where, why, and when entries). I've had a few life distractions in the new year but I hope to get back on track with my upgrade soon. I hope you'll be there to hear how it goes.
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